Interview wth Richard Rhys Jones

Do I have a treat for everybody today…my word I do. I have taken the time to interview Richard Rhys Jones, author of The Division of the Damned, and, rather amazingly, he has actually taken the time to answer my vacuous and inane questions…

Hi Richard Rhys Jones and welcome to the Another Grumpy Commuter website. You have recently released Division of the Damned, which is a damn good read set in World War Two with Nazis, Vampires and a whole bunch of other stuff involved. A right rivitin’ read if I may so, however book reviews are not my thing…so it has to be the interview.

I have thought about asking the questions about the writing process and your motivations and all of that guff, but as you have been extensively interviewed on numerous blogs it seems rather pointless. So, rather than rehash the same old questions I will now invite you to provide links to some of your favourite interviews. Call me cheap if you like – I don’t mind.

Now, I have thought long and hard about these questions, exclusive to Another Grumpy Commuter, and I warn you that they’re hard-hitting and get right to the nub of ’things’, so brace yourself.

1) Would you rather:
a) Be bitten by a Vampire
b) Have your throat torn out by a werewolf
c) Have you brains eaten by a zombie
d) Be torn apart by demons from the bowels of hell
e) Have Sarumans’s Orcs hack you to pieces
f) Other (please specify)

Mmmmm, tricky.
I’ll take answer A. please.

And why?

Firstly, because I’m a testosterone driven type of dude, I’m sort of hoping the vampire will be of the Kate Beckinsale kind. Slim, pretty, wearing heels and leather, you probably know where I’m coming from here, right?

I mean who wants to be ripped by a female werewolf? All that hair, the dog food breath, the cold nose…? No thanks. Female zombies or Orcs don’t really do it for me either. The idea of a nightly visit by a Succubus does have its attractions I suppose. However I doubt Mrs. Jones will stand for me having a wriggle every night with a female demon as she complains enough about the noise from my snoring.

So it has to be the vampire.

I’m with you there Richard…vampires it is.

2) Which is the best movie and why?
a) Underworld
b) Wolfman
c) Sean of the Dead
d) 28 Days
e) Blade
f) Priest
g) Any Hammer Horror movie starring Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, or Peter Cushing.
h) Dusk till Dawn
i) Interview with a vampire
j) Other (please specify, as long as it’s not the Twilight series)

Though I’m tempted to go for Underworld, (see the above answer for why), and the Hammer films certainly have a place in my heart, I think I’d have to go for “From Dusk till Dawn”. Brilliant characters, dialogue cooler than a fridge full of beer, one of the hottest vampires EVER, (Salma Hayek) and more action than a Chuck Norris film on steroids, it is truly a modern classic. I even bought the T-shirt!

3) Who is the best vampire?
a) Boris Karloff
b) Salma Hayek
c) Bill Nighy
d) Peter Cushing
e) Kate Beckinsale (call me shallow but she’s my favourite)
f) Vincent Price
g) Brad Pitt
h) Christopher Lee
i) Tom Cruise
j) Other (please specify, as long as it’s Buffy)

You forgot Bela Lugosi, the man who inspired The Count from Sesame Street?

Whatever, this is a hard one. Salma? Kate? Geller…? She wasn’t a vampire, she was a vampire slayer. Regardless, she does deserve to be in the list for hotness alone.

Best vamp ever? Has to be Salma for hotness or Klaus Kinski in the 1979 remake of Nosferatu.

How this film never attained the adulation it deserved I do not know… well actually that’s a lie because I do. Basically it doesn’t have pretty vampires who dress nice, have modern prents and go to school with other kids. Nosferatu the vampyre is ugly, bald and rotting and gets worse as the film goes on. A very dark, humourless film, but cinematically brilliant, if you like that sort of thing.

Yes Buffy wasn’t vampire, but every red-blooded male would find a way to get buffy into a list somewhere!

4) What was wrong with the Twilight movies, and please explain why they were so popular? I’m completely baffled.

No need to be baffled mate. We need only look to the hormone that makes wibbling wrecks out of the better half of humanity to see the reason for its popularity. Thanks to the power of oestrogen, we now have sparkly vampires who parade around in sunlight without a care in the world, have jealousy tantrums about werewolves and, even worse, fall romantically in love with schoolgirls. I mean, what’s that all about? The whole world despises paedophiles, (and rightly so!) and yet half the world’s population applauds it if he drinks blood? He’s meant to be over a 100 isn’t he? She’s 17!! Hello…?
Whatever… women, eh? Go figure.

I’m still baffled mate, but let’s carry on anyway…

5) I’m getting withdrawal symptoms for decent zombie movie. Do we need more zombie movies?

Definitely, the more the merrier.
There are some great zombie flicks out there and the series “The Walking Dead” is brilliant. I think that series alone has made Joe Public see zombie films in a different light. Zombies used to be the domain of the guys who still worship Carrie Fisher as Leia, who watched the original Japanese version of “The Ring” and loved it, the fringe movie goers who saw Godzilla in the cinema; basically “The Comic Con” fans, (like myself). Now, thanks to AMC’s series I read Facebook posts praising “WD” from friends who would never usually watch a zombie film and that has to be a step in the right direction.

BTW, my fave zombie film? Zombieland. I know it’s not a classic with George A. Romero’s name under the title, but it has just the right humour, loads of blood and Bill Murray in it, so it HAS to be a win, right?

I’m more of a Sean of the Dead man myself, but Zombieland rocked!

6) Cowboys and Aliens – a mistake or a masterpiece?

(Shakes head sadly) This had so much potential, there was so much they could have done with it and that happened. Sad.
Super 8 was another…
Incidentally, a mate of mine has written a book about zombies in the wild west, called Wild Wild Dead (Paul Rudd). It’s out very soon.

Fantastic Richard, getting a gratuitous plug in for a mate…there is no depth the Grumpy Commuter won’t stoop to – well done. You fit right in here.

7) I have often wondered about the pros and cons of being a vampire, would upkeep on satin capes and the cost of dental work be a bit of a downer? What would you most dislike?

I suppose the dental work isn’t such a big thing, unless sunlight corrosion isn’t covered by health insurance? Do vampires have health insurance and what would their premiums cost? It’d be pretty stupid taking a life insurance policy out but health cover is important nowadays. I’ve often wondered whether the AIDS epidemic played a role in their eating habits?

As for clothing, I suppose if you live for hundreds of years you’d choose some form of robust, long lasting material to see you through. Leather, though expensive does fit this criteria and we all saw how fetching Kate Beckinsale looked in it. Conversely, I can’t see Peter Cushing looking so good in a leather bodice so I’m not sure it’d be for everyone.

Personally I’d go for anything that’s cheap. T-shirts and jeans are my thing and I think if I were to be bitten, I’d probably stick to what I know, and I’d Google the best healthcare insurances for the teeth thing.

Right on…but how do you know what Peter Cushing wore on his days off? Perhaps he kept the odd leather bodice tucked away for special occasions…who knows?

8) Would the advent of global warming and the increasing incidence of extreme weather events make flying menacingly around the night sky more hazardous, or do you think the average vampire would be able to deal with odd sudden tornado or cloudburst?

I don’t think Transylvania suffers so badly from the effects of global warming, to be fair. I think there’s probably more danger from the increase in air traffic over the last hundred years or so than from sudden inclement weather.

9) Which politicians do you think are most likely to be vampires in disguise – and why?

Aren’t they all blood suckers?
Any person who goes into public service must have some sort of parasitic side to their nature in the first place.

Indeed they are Richard, indeed they are…and finally…

10) If you met a vampire, what would be the first thing you would say?

Female vampire of the Kate, Salma mould, “Do I at least get a wriggle before you kill me, please?”
Female vampire of the Amy Peterson from Fright Night mould, “AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!”.
Male vampire, “AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!”.

Yes, well, very eloquent, very eloquent indeed Richard. Many thanks for agreeing to be interviewed, and for all of your rabid readers, and soon to be rabid readers, or even people who feel the urge to become rabid while reading The Division of the Damned I have included a couple of links below (one of them might even contain interview questions of actual substance!) But anyhow,  all of you should get out and buy The Division of the Damned now…I said Now!!

About George Fripley
I am a writer who enjoys writing humour, satire, poetry and sometimes a bit of philosophy. I live in Perth, Western Australia and occasionally get a poem or article published. It's all good fun! I have two books available for unwary readers, Grudges, Rumours and Drama Queens- The Civil Servant's Manual (This contains all that anybody could ever want to know about why government runs so slowly) and More Gravy Please! - the Politician's Handbook. (available through Amazon). Real name Peter Tapsell...just started off writing under a pseudonym and kept going.

4 Responses to Interview wth Richard Rhys Jones

  1. Who was that guy?
    He has some serious problems…

  2. Paul Rudd says:

    Excellent and I totally agree with Geller being thrown into the mix.

  3. He forced me to interview him Reggie – I had no choice…

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