A Message From the Director-General

The Department for Avoiding the Blame (DAB) is recognised as one of the world’s leading government departments.

By virtue of DAB’s size, experienced directors, incomprehensive and random policies, and resolute stance on not making any significant decisions, it has maintained a world class bureaucratic system that defers or ignores at least 80 percent of decisions it is asked to make or questions it is asked to respond to. This level of inefficiency has not been achieved anywhere else in the world.

Our knowledge of our politicians is by no means complete. We are learning how our new cabinet, and we are still trying to understand the short and long term consequences of the various intellectual capability of the various Ministers, such as those including health, climate change, and treasury.

The Annual Report (2012) provided a snapshot of our indicators. It showed that we were achieving an acceptable level of hot air output and that there was an increasing level of confusion in the general community about the purpose of DAB. While our structure was in reasonable shape, the report did indicate that there were emerging opportunities to add additional layers of bureaucracy to the system and that a sound strategic plan should identify where DAB can act on these opportunities.

The Government has made recent statements about reviewing and restructuring the government machine, including making risky changes to speed up decision-making within the bureaucracy. It has also flagged merging and splitting departments.

All of this creates potential risks for DAB and other departments, however DAB’s leadership team are committed to maintaining it aim of succeeding at the expanse of everybody else and will continue to work towards that goal.

DAB can play an important role in the workings of government.  It has the duty – on behalf of all of the public and, more importantly, the many esteemed ancestors of the current bureaucracy, to rigorously refuse to make progress on any proposals or policies, and to determine what impact this will have in inconveniencing other departments and private companies, and whether those impacts and obstinate refusal to use common-sense are of sufficient bloody-mindedness to frustrate everybody to an acceptable level.

Based on its own analysis, and drawing on the best scientific advice from other areas of Government, academics and the private sector, DAB will then ensure that it has the required tool to avoid blame for any delays and or financial losses. If it does its job well it will remain largely anonymous.

DAB also provides strategic advice to Government on key issues so that it can engineer its continuing anonymity and gain large slices of funding at the expense of other departments and non-government organisations without being asked to produce anything of any substance in return.

The complexity and volume of matters now coming to DAB, and increasing community expectations about the rigour and timeliness of decisions, means that DAB is failing, to some extent, in its quest for anonymity, it must therefore continue to embrace, and even promote, reform to ensure that roadblocks are placed where most effective and that the development of Government Function Inhibitors (GFI) progresses in a timely and efficient manner.

This Strategic Plan outlines the context in which DAB currently operates and its strategies and priorities for the period 2010-2013.  The plan also articulates DAB’s vision for reforming its practices to stay abreast of the changing social and economic conditions in which it operates.

Finally, this Strategic Plan is not a static document. It will be regularly reviewed and refined to better focus the efforts of DAB in fighting needless and expensive efforts to smooth out the current administrative systems to ensure that it meets its obligations to enrage and frustrate the community, business and the Government of the day.

 

Bartholomew Menzies-Thatcher

Director General

March 2010

About George Fripley
I am a writer who enjoys writing humour, satire, poetry and sometimes a bit of philosophy. I live in Perth, Western Australia and occasionally get a poem or article published. It's all good fun! I have two books available for unwary readers, Grudges, Rumours and Drama Queens- The Civil Servant's Manual (This contains all that anybody could ever want to know about why government runs so slowly) and More Gravy Please! - the Politician's Handbook. (available through Amazon)

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