Overdosing on Food TV

Today I think I finally overdosed, at least that’s what I think happened. My brain finally snapped as I switched TV channels and saw yet another food-related show. I could take it no longer. The mere thought of watching some poor soul melting down at the same time as their desert crumbled during preparation sent me to the fridge for a beer. And not just any beer, a decent strong continental one – something that was guaranteed to numb my senses quickly.
I thought that I could change channel and watch something else, but no! There was a celebrity chef swanning around some part of the world wearing a smug expression while making cooking seem really easy, safe in the knowledge that if it was so easy, people would not be coming to his restaurant and paying his wages, let alone watching him guzzle food in some exotic location.

So, after another trip to the fridge I changed channels again, only to find that was being verbally assaulted by some over-tanned bloke trying to sell me something called the Nutribullet. Not only could it vapourise food with its mere presence in the kitchen, or at least blend it into some sort of unappetizing gloopy mess, it could do the same to your brain simply by watching it on the TV. That was the only reason that I could come up with why people would part with their hard-earned cash for such a contraption. Time for another beer – no this time I got two.

I was now onto channel number four, but there was no respite there either. Bear Grylls was cavorting around topless eating some freshly slaughtered wild animal, or perhaps it was a slug, I can’t remember – the screen was getting blurry by now, but I think he was cooking it with the pure heat of his manly stare. It was beer o’clock – again.

Finally, after a fifth attempt at finding a channel with something unrelated to food, I found a movie – about food – Chocolat to be precise. So, I quickly flicked channels again – and there it was, Pirates of the Caribbean. By now I was only vaguely aware of time passing, and even though this movie had only been on last month, and the month before that and, possibly, only last week on one channel or another when I watched it for the 947th time, it was not food related. The beer was working now, and I was close to dozing off while Jack Sparrow camped it up and Captain Barbosa wished he could just taste an apple – and there it was. Food. Again. There was no escape. I think that was about the time I passed out.

Sad Story

A Sad Sad Story

No flicker of the eyelid,
no sparkle in the eye,
no frown of concentration,
no friendly conversation,
no warmth to the touch,
just a whirring mechanism,
a cold and calculating chip
reducing me to PIN numbers
a point within a database,
that talks to me through cold machines,
that haven’t any human grace.

A short poem about critics


Writers who take life too seriously
Quite often will act most deliriously
By trying to write too mysteriously
And criticising others imperiously

The thing that is most fundamental
Is that critics are often quite mental!
And in fact they are inconsequential
So ignoring them is preferential.

5 from Blancmange

Time for another musical journey – this time back to the early 80s. Yes – I’m talking Blancmange. Now, this great little duo was only really around for a short time, although they recently released another album a few years back and went touring again, but they came out with some absolute early 80s classics. I make no apology for liking these tunes. Neil Arthur and Stephen Luscombe made pop at it’s best.

1. Don’t Tell Me – great synthesiser melody, fun lyrics, cheesy 80s video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYQ1TZG6xZM&list=RDSYQ1TZG6xZM

2. Living on the Ceiling – the first real hit. Atmospheric intro, and another cheesy video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ8qPOk0Zvc&list=RDSYQ1TZG6xZM&index=2

3. The Day Before You Came – a cover of the ABBA song – and I reckon it’s better. Great lyrics as you would expect from the Swedish masters, but Blancmange give it more oomph than ABBA did. And possibly the best video clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QuikTJzYWw&list=RDSYQ1TZG6xZM&index=5

4. Blind Vision – possibly my favourite, but they’re all good. And another example of the obscure 80s video clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YAvhMTgE8o&list=RDSYQ1TZG6xZM&index=3

5. Waves – a change of pace, a bit more reflective. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbMi1Wg3uQU&index=8&list=RDSYQ1TZG6xZM

Lemon Tea

I think I wrote this on the Snowman Trek – it was at the top of a mountain pass somewhere

Lemon Tea

There is little oxygen up here
at five thousand metres,
just desiccated air,
but there is Lemon Tea
that pierces placid tongues.

I could reach out and touch Tibet,
sat here in glorious exhaustion;
just scoop snow from distant peaks,
but only after Lemon Tea,
so sharp, so slick, so sweet.

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