The Man Without A Spine

He seems to walk without trouble,
no sign of a problem there.
He sits easily at the Boardroom table,
and doesn’t slide off of his chair.

He seems to live a normal life,
with no handicap overtly shown,
so it’s incredible really, when you think that this man
was born without any backbone.

Just watch him dance in tune with the Boss,
and jump whenever he asks,
then come out of the meeting whining and moaning,
before delegating the unreasonable task.

This amazing man with a spine made of jelly
has really no reason to moan,
medical science would pay a fortune to study,
this man without any backbone!

Waterfall in the Pyrennees

Some would say it was a cascade,
such was the forceful flow,
water falling over itself
to get to the bottom,
racing itself onto the rocks

past my perch, halfway up the track
from where I watched the show,
waves did battle, tumbled, merging
then as one diverging
into smithereens on the rocks

Cows in nearby fields ignored this,
Nature’s hypnotic show;
they’d followed me here, put now paused,
stood vacant, pondering
life, meandering as they watched
grass grow,

content, like me, to sit and stare,
to let this moment flow,
while still I heard the rapid swish
as the unforgiving
waterfall washed clean the rocks

At Work (A Poem)

At Work

As the clock teases me
I sometimes wonder if
Time is going sideways,
that I’m wedged, jammed in tight
at right angles to life,
which cruises brightly by,
past my office window
as the second-hand slows…

Time for a Quick One?

Yes…I am a bit short of inspiration at the moment, but just for the record I have now set up my author’s page which showcases my publications . Details of my 3 current books, shortly to be 4 are included.

And just to be going on with, a short poem

Somewhere in the Desert looking for Gold

From my point upon the hill,
I gaze upon the land and fill
my cup with water as I ponder
the next direction I must wander.
Over there, north-east I think,
which will bring me to the brink
of yet more of these blasted ridges
up which I’ll climb and dream of fridges
stacked with tempting ice-cold beer.
Perhaps I’ll go insane this year?

In this hot and dusty region
too hostile for the Foreign Legion
there’s no-one else, there’s only me
with mad dogs for good company
and nothing but the desert’s song
to send me nuts before too long,
run naked through these open spaces
sunburnt in my tender places.

But the desert’s voices keep me sane,
advising me to not complain,
and jump right off reality’s train,
dance in this imaginary rain.



Dark Matter and its Relationship to Bureaucracy – a monologue

The search for dark matter has occupied the minds of many of the brightest scientists in the world. They can’t see it and are continually searching for signs of its existence. It must be there, there is so much mass that is unaccounted for, that without it there is a great big hole in many theories. This is important for our understanding of the universe…it really is.

I believe that I have discovered where at least some of this dark matter lies. To explain this, I need to show how dark matter relates to gravity, and also, as I will explain, to bureaucracy. I have spent many years trying to track down dark matter and how it might relate to gravitational anomalies. I believe that I have proven that, not only can dark matter be the cause of such anomalies, but that it also drawn to situations where there is already significant gravity.

Through a combination of empirical analysis and experimentation, I have found that the gravity of situations is exponentially increased by the presence of a type of dark matter, which I have called dim matter. When there is too much dim matter present, the gravity of some situations can get to the point of implosion, or explosion, depending on the nature of the matter at hand. When I examined dim matter in detail, I found it to be an isotope of the recently discovered element, yet to be formally named, currently called Futilium. This element has a half-life of approximately 280 milliseconds, almost equal to the life of a good idea in government. However, further has demonstrated that the structure can be changed to make it more stable – in the short term. This isotope has one extra electron, with no apparent function, and has been named bureaucrium.

The normal structure of Futilium is 195 neutrons and 122 each of protons and electrons, giving it an atomic mass of 317. Usually in and out of existence in the blink of an eye, this element’s negatively charged electrons can, in some instances, start attracting a new type of particle – the positively energized moron. These morons, while never being part of bureaucrium, hang around and cause the element to become increasingly reactive until saturation point is reached. Once so overwhelmed, it begins to suck any energy it can out of the surrounding environment. Once this occurs morons are repelled; however, this does not appear to stop increasing numbers of morons wanting to attach themselves. These excess morons then hang in a cloud around any situation of gravity that they can find, awaiting the opportunity to latch on. They then travel around in ever decreasing circles until they crash into the nucleus, at which point they can cause an explosion.

Positively energized morons have been shown to add no weight to any situation and, in fact, consist mainly of a vacuum with very little surrounding substance. The sheer number of morons that are attracted to situations of significant gravity eventually leads to increased mass and instability. However, this was only half of the story. I then needed to find out where the dim matter (and all the additional morons) came from. By studying situations of significant gravity, I soon realised that there were carriers of dim matter which would quietly attach themselves to unstable situations dangerously increasing the gravity. Drama Queens have been identified as the major carriers, but politicians, bureaucrats and fanatics of all sorts are also carriers. I then had to track where this dim matter was picked up by the carriers.

One theory that I am following up is that there is a huge black hole composed of dim matter within each of the parliaments around the world, and that these are major attractors of drama queens, and other carriers, to those institutions. These carriers then go and spread gravity to situations throughout their country, often taking positively energized morons with them. Dim matter also appears to replace grey matter in carriers. Once bureaucrium had been characterized, the search for more of the morons was on. It has since been proven that there are indeed large numbers of positively energized morons in governments and all major bureaucracies throughout the world. They add extended life to bureaucrium through their leaching of energy from the environment, and have been attracting increasing numbers of similar morons to affected institutions. So, the dark matter that resides in bureaucracies is really dim matter that symbiotically reacts with many, many morons that travel around in ever-decreasing circles before reaching critical mass and exploding. Fallout from bureaucratic explosions (and implosions) has a half-life in excess of 20 years.

More gems of unlikely wisdom can be found in the book Grudges, Rumours & Drama Queens – the ultimate guide for navigating government. If you feel so inclined it is available at Amazon and Createspace.

My Futile Search

I’m told there is talent in our political system
But I’ve looked pretty hard and it seems that I’ve missed ‘em
I took myself off through the corridors of power
It made me depressed and got worse by the hour
‘Cos all of the members to whom I was presented
Acted like kids or were clearly demented
The place was just full of these crushing old bores
The whining idealists, political whores.
When I finally left I felt soiled and stained
And wondered aloud about what could be gained
If we chucked this lot out and elected some more
But the reality was that I couldn’t be sure
That they wouldn’t just argue like immature gits
And continue to give the taxpayer the shits.

iPhone 5

Yes – I’m grumpy again, and this time it’s Apple in my sights. Well, not Apple, but the people queuing outside for the new iPhone. But, rather than whinge on in prose, I put it in verse.

    iPhone 5

I saw them by the Apple store,
they queued for hours, and then some more,
those poor deluded mindless drones,
with vacant souls, outdated phones,
desperate for a brand new toy,
a moment of such fleeting joy.

All these people made me stew,
I wanted to just kick a few,
inject some sense into their veins
to stimulate their slave-like brains,
tell them that they should not fear
the phones will be on sale all year,

until the next one comes along,
and then they’ll be another throng,
another queue of shallow slaves,
they come each year in nauseous waves
that never reach the peaceful shore,
condemned to ‘want’ for ever more.

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