Teapartium

After their success in discovering Dim Matter and its relationship with a new particle, the Positively Energized Moron, in their search for a relationship between dark matter and bureaucracy (http://www.thepoliticus.com/content/link-between-dark-matter-and-government), Professor Honor Bender and her student Grant Spender have now made another startling discovery. They have discovered a new element – Teapartium. They have summarized it in the following points:

  • Teapartium often appears out of nothing when too much Dim Matter accumulates in one area, and some of the Positively Energised Morons can become attracted to each other. The presence of further amounts of dim matter excites these morons, and they often go spinning off at random directions. When this happens, the morons will disperse, then attach themselves to other random molecules.
  • However, if this small group of positively energized morons manages to hold itself together, it then floats around and steals more morons from other collections of dim matter that it comes across until there are enough morons to form Teapartium.
  • Unlike conventional atoms that require a nucleus of neutrons and protons to hold it together and form stability, Teapartium is a lightweight element made up entirely of morons flying around a central vacuum. The faster these morons travel, the greater the vacuum becomes. This central vacuum is known as a farcicum.
  • When enough positively energized morons manage to coalesce,  the vacuum increases in power to the point where it becomes unstable and has the potential to collapse in on itself resulting in the formation of a super-dense entity known as a peculiarity (rather like a singularity, but without the gravity, mass, or substance).
  • This peculiarity is so dense that none of the positively energized morons can escape and they are forever trapped. This then becomes a new form of Teapartium, known as dementium. A peculiar property of dementium is that it repels all common sense.

Further work needs to be carried out on Teapartium, but for now Professor Bender and Grant Spender are convinced that it is a fairly random element that acts as a sanctuary for stray morons.

%d bloggers like this: